Thoughts on Sinful Anger, Part 1

I've decided that though this blog will feature all the latest and greatest adorable things Zoe does, I'd also love to share a bit of my own thoughts and how God is changing and challenging me through being a mom. After all, I do think about more than just diapers and spit up all day! So, along the way, I will post insights or encouragement from Scripture, books, friends, etc, in order to chronicle a bit of my own journey right now. Today will be the first of such posts.

The other day I did a topical study through Proverbs on sinful anger. It was convicting and challenging. For now, here is one scripture God used to speak to me and how I've thought about it in the context of marriage and parenting:

Proverbs 12:4 "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness to his bones."

Shaming your husband is bad enough, but shaming your child is worse. My husband can call me out on my sinful responses to him, but my child cannot. To shame someone is to disgrace them, guilt them, humiliate them. Often times shaming and manipulation go hand in hand. It is a way to emotionally control people to serve our own purpose, without regard for their well-being. If I'm honest, I have to admit that there have been times in my marriage where I've attempted to "guilt" Uche into the kind of behavior I desire from him. This is both wrong and ungodly. Sadly, I know that if I do this with Uche, I certainly am not immuned from doing it to my own children.

Proverbs aptly describes the consequences of this type of behavior - a wife becomes like "rottenness" to her husband's bones. What a powerful image. When I think of something that is rotten, I think of a horrible stench, something utterly disgusting and gross, something completely unhealthy. To be "like rottenness" to my husband is to have him cringe to be around me, for my presence is so completely destructive and unhealthy to his soul. Who would want to be that kind of presence to their family? I'm sure that most people, including myself, don't sit back and think about how they might shame their loved ones and become utterly disgusting to them. Unfortunately, I think we just sort of ease into it, not fully realizing how we might end up hurting those we love the most, all because we are too busy clinging to our own selfish desires. This is a challenge for me. Though I'm sure Uche would say that I am nowhere near "like rottenness to his bones," if I'm not careful to examine my own heart and behavior, I might one day be!

An excellent wife is a godly person who pleases God by bringing blessing and life, not destruction and death, to her family. I want Zoe to grow up in a family environment of love, truth and grace, instead of bitterness, manipulation and guilt. This requires a work of God in my heart (and Uche's) to undo learned, sinful behavior, and to teach us how to live in ways that glorify his righteous character.

"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through...the one who calls you is faithful and he will do it." (1 Thess 5:23-24)