Earlier in the week I pulled out this pretty little Easter dress for Zoe to wear. I was so excited to see her in it! Sunday morning I bathed her, changed her and started the fun process of dressing my little girl. Layer after layer, the look was complete- onesie, tights, bloomers, pink and white dress, topped with a little white headband and finished off with pink and white shoes. What an adorable little girl! We oohed. We aahed. And five minutes later, she pooped. I was nervous, but still convinced I could take care of it quickly and without messing up her outfit. As it turns out the poop wasn't the problem. She decided to pee all over the change table as I was putting her new diaper on and it got all over the onesie and the dress. Zoe's little Easter look was short lived, and unfortunately I didn't even get a picture. It was the only dress I have that fits her right now so we had to go with a pants outfit instead. Cute, but nowhere near the cuteness of the dress. Oh well. It was not to be.
March 24, 2008
March 19, 2008
Check-Up
Zoe had her two month doctor's appointment today. She is growing fast! Our little 6lb 5oz newborn is now a whopping 10lbs,10 oz! Way to grow, Zo!
This is Not a Dream
Zoe's sleep patterns over the past few days have been as follows:
Friday night: 4 hours
Saturday night: 4 and a half hours
Sunday night: 6 hours
Monday night: 7 hours
Tuesday night: 6 and a half hours
What is going on here?! I'm so very thankful, extremely surprised and optimistically hopeful that her internal clock is setting itself and that sleep just may be returning to the Anizor household. We shall see....too soon to tell...
Not Your Textbook Nursing Experience
Breastfeeding has not been easy for me. I have been wholeheartedly on board with it since before Zoe was born, but nursing a reflux baby comes with challenges I didn't expect. Every nursing book I've read speaks drippingly (is that a word?) sweet about the mutual bonding experience between baby and mom while breastfeeding. A quick search on-line revealed these typical catch-phrases:
"Breastfeeding is an enjoyable and emotionally beneficial experience mothers share with their infants."
"Breastfeeding requires a mother to take some quiet relaxed time for herself and her baby."
"Breastfeeding can help a mother to bond with her baby. Physical contact is important to newborns and can help them feel more secure, warm and comforted."
"Breastfeeding mothers may have increased self-confidence and feelings of closeness and bonding with their infants."
When I read these words, I simply cannot relate. At least, most of the time I cannot relate. Quiet relaxed time for mother? Not when you're trying to burp a screaming baby who arches her back and wriggles uncontrollably out of what you thought was a firm grasp. Baby feeling more secure, warm and comforted? Let's allow the pictures to speak to that one. Increased self-confidence as a mother? You've got to be kidding me.
Nursing a reflux baby means missing out on some of these more pleasant bonding experiences and becomes simply about doing what I believe is best for my daughter, even if it is not fun for me. Every once in a while, a random feeding will be peaceful, calm and enjoyable for both of us, but those times are few and far between. For now, I'm trying to tough it out (8 times a day) and remember that this too shall pass. I'm sure one day I'll look back on this and laugh, instead of nearly being brought to tears.
There is this face Zoe makes when all is not right in her world that is both pitifully sad and incredibly adorable at the same time. We were finally able to catch it on camera, 
for all the world to see.
March 17, 2008
March 15, 2008
Happy Birthday Daddy
Dear Daddy,
Since I don't have any money, I have to be creative about the gifts I give you this year. First, I hope you enjoyed the four and a half hours of sleep I gave you and mommy last night. I could tell you really needed it, and, since you are getting so old (ha ha) I figured I should be kind and let you sleep a little longer than usual. Second, the "i love daddy" pacifiers were something I saw in the store while shopping with mommy the other day. She told me she would spot me for them and that I can pay her back when I'm a big girl. Third, I told mommy I really wanted to dress up and look special for you today. So I wore my first dress (with tights even!) and hope you enjoyed seeing your girl all dolled up. Finally, I thought I'd write you a short note since I know all you really want is to know that I love you.
Daddy, thanks for being so great with me. I know that sometimes I'm miss cranky pants when you come home from school in the evenings, and I'm not very fun to be around. Still, I'm glad that you still love to play with me and don't mind holding me while I cry and pout in your face. Thanks for waking up and taking care of me in the middle of the night sometimes. I know mommy loves it when you do that since it lets her get some extra sleep! I secretly love it too. I mean, I love mommy, but I see her ALL day long! I really love spending daddy/Zoe time together and I can tell you love it too. Thanks for changing my poopy diape
rs (I know I have a lot of them) and for letting me spit up all over your shirts (sorry for the time you left the house with a big spit up stain and you didn't even know it. I hope I didn't embarrass you in front of all your friends). Finally, thanks for always playing with me! I can't really play back yet, but I love when you make up silly songs and sing to me, and when you hold me up high and let me drool on your face.
Daddy, you're the best! Happy Birthday!
Love,
Zoe
March 14, 2008
Two Months Today
It's hard to believe that my little girl is two months old today! I feel like I am just starting to get the hang of this mom thing. I love it, but there is a different challenge from day to day, and it takes some getting used to. I enjoy Zoe most after she is fed, calm, and nuzzled in my shoulder falling asleep. She's so warm and cuddly and is a real snuggle bunny. I know she'll grow out of this before I know it so I'm trying to enjoy it while I can! I also love giving her baths, as it's one of her favorite parts of the day. For some reason, this kid loves the water. She can be irritable and crying, but place her in the bathtub and she is all smiles.
Being a mom has been harder than I thought. I have a whole new respect for my mom, having raised three kids on her own, as well as mothers everywhere who work so hard every moment of every day! It is rewarding, yes, but exhausting! I can't believe I haven't had a good sleep in two months. I used to pull all nighters in college and seminary fairly frequently and always seemed to bounce back soon enough. Not so, now. There is certainly something to be said of collective sleep deprivation and the effect it has on your body. After two months, I really don't know when or how I will ever catch up! For someone who needs a good 8 hours of sleep, this has been quite difficult for me. Poor Uche ha
s had to deal with a whole new irritable Mel! Seriously, I have found myself apologizing to him again and again for my moodiness - often times there is no real reason except that I am just plain pooped.
Being a mom has also challenged me in the area of needing to be able to control things. Suddenly my life feels very chaotic and out of control. I can't predict Zoe's behavior or mood from day to day, let alone her sleep patterns. I can't control that there are dishes in the sink that need to be washed, an apartment that needs to be straightened up, laundry waiting to be done, people to call back, etc. I am home all day and yet still have a larger-than-you-would-expect to-do list. On a good day, I can get to some of those things and feel like I am pulling life together. On a bad day, I am holding little miss fussy Zoe and trying to get her to sleep, or eat, or stop crying, etc. You get the picture. It has only been two months but already God is using Zoe to take me out of my comfort zone and change me. There is a little 9 pound baby in my life who now takes center stage to dishes or laundry. And as much as I want to be a "perfect" wife, mother and homemaker, I am realizing that I can't do it all. This is both anxiety-producing and freeing at the same time. Right now God has called me to take care of this little girl, first and foremost. If that means some of these other things get pushed aside for later or tomorrow, then I need to be ok with that and recognize that Zoe is my first priority - even if that means I have to hold her all day long because she is being a fuss-pot.
This takes me to one more area the mommy role has stretched me in - selflessness. There's nothing like having a child that makes you realize how selfish you are. Suddenly, I don't have any "me" time. On a good day, I can get a shower in before Uche comes home in the evening. On a bad day, I'll stay in my pajamas until it's time for bed again. My whole life revolves around feeding, burping, changing and rocking Zoe
to sleep. This cycle repeats every three hours or so, and by the time it is finished, it's just about ready to start up again. This has been an adjustment, to say the least. There have been times when I've found myself frustrated or resentful. It is hard at times to continually give to someone who can't give back and who also likes to scream very loudly in your face while you're doing it. It is hard to always have to think about someone else first, and not just do what I want to do, when I want to do it. It is hard to be woken up several times in the middle of the night when all you really want to do is sleep. It is hard, but I wouldn't change it for anything. I love my little girl! And I'm thankful that God has chosen to use parenthood to grow and shape me. I know I am in for an incredible ride. I can tell already that, along with marriage, parenthood will be used by God to sanctify me and teach me how to be more like Him. My prayer is that I would be humble and teachable, and allow Him to do so.
March 13, 2008
Infant Reflux and an Outing
Many of you know that Zoe suffers from infant reflux. This means that she is basically uncomfortable a lot of the time and cries inconsolably when she feeds, burps, hiccups and spits up. She also wakes up from an otherwise peaceful sleep because the acid burns her throat and causes her to cry. On top of that, she cries when she's just hanging around, too, as sometimes those things happen when she is otherwise calm. Besides sleep deprivation, this has been the hardest part about being a new mom. It's difficult to see her grimace when she has a reflux episode, and hear her cry intensely and not be able to do anything to help her. For the past two weeks I have been on an elimination diet to see if something I'm eating is making Zoe's issues worse. She has steadily improved, and though she still deals with reflux stuff, she is nowhere near the freaky (i.e. freaking out) baby she was a few weeks ago. I have yet to determine the cause, but will be bringing foods back into my diet slowly this week. We're in for a brutal week, i'm sure, but it will help to know what is making things worse.
Because of the reflux, her meltdowns are unpredictable. As a result, I have been more hesitant than I would otherwise be, to take Zoe out in public by myself. We've visited friends houses and the doctor's office, but usually I only go out when Uche's home to watch her, and have yet to take her with me to run errands or anything like that. Well, after talking to a wise friend, who also had a baby with reflux, I've decided that I cannot let reflux run my life and that I just need to suck it up, be brave, and venture out into the land of the living. This is stressful to think about sometimes, as she can go from sweet and peaceful to unbelievably irritable in an instant. Still, though reflux is something she will grow out o
f, I can't simply be imprisoned in this apartment until she does! So that brings us to our first outing to the Christian bookstore the other day. Zoe did great! Even though she didn't sleep, she hung out in her stroller and looked around, contently. She began a mini-meltdown right as we were leaving, and had it out in the car, instead of in the store. I was pleased. :) It gave me enough courage to take her grocery shopping at Target the next day. So we are making progress...I know the public meltdown is inevitable, and that I'll just need to learn how to deal with it, but it was nice to have these first two outings go so smoothly. I think God knew I needed that bit of grace in order to muster up some courage to do it again. We are getting there...
March 12, 2008
New Pictures Posted
I just posted the most recent pictures of Zoe. She is starting to smile and coo and make all kinds of squeaky high pitched sounds. She's SO cute! We're hoping to post video soon....once I figure out how to do that.
Just click on the links for week 6 and 7 on the sidebar and enjoy!
Yeah Technology
When I was in high school I didn’t even have an email account. Now, twelve years later, (yikes!) times have changed! I’m constantly amazed at how much the internet is such a blessing when it comes to staying connected with family and friends. We’ve decided to set up a blog for those of you who love us so that you can catch a glimpse into our new and improved lives with little miss Zoe. Our hope is to post pictures and video fairly regularly, as well as stories of how Zoe is growing and changing, and even, how she is changing our lives, too! Enjoy!
